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We had a great, low-key Mother's Day and, as always, ate a lot of great food this week! I also traveled to New York and had a chance to get an inside peek at the Food Network Studios (click HERE to let me know if you would enjoy seeing a gluten-free and healthy foods show on TV!) and attend the Forbes Women's Summit.
We were covering our boy with prayers (and tears) the night before his surgery to remove that big cyst above his lip. The thought of IVs and him going under anesthesia had me a wreck. ?
We are so thankful for everyone's prayers and thoughts for our little man! It was a little more complicated than they expected but he (and I ?) did great. He was in a lot of pain and he had a little trouble breathing afterwards from the breathing tube, but he's been recovering well. It broke my heart to see all of the empty car seats in the waiting area. To those parents out there who do this often or spend weeks or months in NICUs to fight for your kids- you are heroes.
I wrote these words during the holidays in a post about having the freedom to feel pain and suffering. This image someone sent me is such a beautiful representation.
After E's surgery, I was wading in pretty deep. It is nothing like our situation with Aila, but it brought a lot of painful memories to the surface.
Kissing him goodbye and handing him over to the nurses yesterday brought back vivid memories of saying my final goodbye to Aila and surrendering her to the nurse. They were so understanding and didn’t pressure me to part with her during the night. She kept saying, “she is your baby, you decide when to say goodbye.” But that willful act of calling the nurse on the intercom and physically relinquishing her body was the hardest moment of my life. Placing E in the care of the anesthesiologist and surgeon reminded me of that helpless feeling I felt when Aila was diagnosed and when she was born. That I could not do anything to help her or save her. And of course, as all parents do who have lost a child, I had fears about everything that could possibly happen to during the 3 hours we were apart and found myself thinking that I wouldn’t make it if I had to bury another child.
After he was home safe, I was lost in a mix of feeling eternally grateful that he was alive in my arms, and filled with sorrow that she is not. I could have chosen to ignore all of those feelings and busy myself with other things so as to not experience the pain.
But I have found that letting myself just feel and process it all helps me come out stronger on the other side. God always meets me in the depths of the sticky muddy water, and there’s a new thin layer of healing every time I step back out of the wading pool.
If you're grieving (be it the loss of a child, a parent, a friend, a divorce), don't be afraid to feel the grief. It's not pleasant, and you may look like a train wreck with black stained cheeks and bloodshot eyes afterwards, but it's cathartic and productive on the road to healing. And as I said last time- just don't get stuck in the grief. Wade, and wade in deep if you need to, but make sure to walk out on the other side. ?
This is one of my favorite salads lately – my dairy-free ranch, spicy almonds, grilled chicken, avocado, cucumber, and carrots.
My butt and arms were asleep and I was starving, but there was no way I was waking him up and he wouldn't let me put him down anyways. This was going on 3 hours… ???
Here was my Mother's Day treat- Cashew milk ice cream with Guittard extra dark chocolate chips and almonds. I'm working on some cashew milk ice cream recipes and will get them up on the blog once I get the consistency perfect!
I enjoyed a perfect Mother's Day brunch with my little family. ? This was shirred eggs in ham with hollandaise.
Love this crew. ?
I'm grateful for all 3 of my kids and how they have shaped me, my mom for being such a great example of a loving mother, and Ryan for partnering with me so incredibly to raise these 2. I hope you all had a great Mother's Day!
What I would have liked to do for Mother's Day- get brunch, take a nap, work in the yard, get a massage. But making my kids happy (and making him stop saying I'm bored what can we do?) makes me happy, so mini golf if it was!
We had a late breakfast so I crumbled some Applegate organic chicken sausage to make a quick frittata with asparagus and mushrooms.
A | A | E
Baby E's rebuilding after a round of antibiotics from the surgery. He has been on these since he was a newborn since he was a C-section baby.
I hate antibiotics, because they always throw me into a flare, and we try to avoid whenever possible. But sometimes they are necessary! You can find it HERE.
My friend Katherine who wrote Hope Heals sent me this pic of our books next to each other at Costco. If you haven't read her remarkable story and having hope through suffering, you must!
Her book is in select Southern CA Costco stores so if you live down there go grab it!
Love this emerald Y necklace and the dainty layered one that has my kids birthstones on it from Leah Alexandra Jewelry ?
Day 2 of the Forbes Women's Summit! I was snapping throughout the day, so make sure you follow me (againstallgrain) for next time. I was especially excited to hear Every Mother Counts, Christy Turlington, Kate Hudson, and Sarah Jessica Parker.
Shop the Outfit Below!
I absolutely love and respect the work that Every Mother Counts and the rest of this panel are doing to save the lives of babies and mothers in developing nations. If you haven't heard of them, check them out HERE.
My new book Celebrations is 27% off if you preorder on Amazon! Get yours HERE.
Sarah
You are such an adorable Momma! Thanks for sharing so honestly about the anxiety and memories that returned when you took your little man in for day surgery. May God continue to heal your heart. (I heard someone who lost a child say you never heal but you adjust). Aila was fortunate to get you for a sweet momma who took joy in her little life and of course, it goes without saying that your fellas are fortunate too!
Danielle
Thank you Sarah!
Danielle
Thank you so much for sharing Stefanie. I hope that your daughter finds full and complete healing. What a sweet and caring momma you are!
Danielle
That’s awesome! I hope she loves it!
Denise Campbell
I recommended your book & blog to an Aussie friend of mine just recently diagnosed Celiac & h just got it. As I told him, your site was the first one I found when I found out about my Celiac Disease & the Real Deal Chocolate Chip Cookies made me realize I could still have my very favourite things to eat & enjoy. Since I raved about them so much, guess what the first thing he made was? From the tone of the PM I got at the Message Board we belong to, I think he’s in love…LOL!!
Just wanted to pass that along. I’m so sorry to hear about Easton’s Surgery until just now, but I had my own Surgery on May 10th. I’ve been waiting four years, it was a cancellation by someone else & in Toronto, which is about 8-9 hrs away by car give or take. To say it was a whirlwind to get me down there is an understatement & I really wasn’t checking my E-mail that much the last month and bit due to various things going on and… Poor lil guy, but glad it all went well.
For you to go back to what you experienced w/Alia…((((HUGS))))
Glad you had a lovely Mother’s Day!!
Danielle
Thank you Denise! I hope you have a quick recovery.
Diane
What a sweet and honest testament to the journey of motherhood. Praise your little guy’s surgery went well and continued prayers for your heart. Lean into the Lord and seek the little moments as a reminder He is ever present and has his arms around you. Your perspective of gratitude will sustain you {I had twins in the NICU and your comment about the empty car seats brought me back instantly to the feelings of fear and heart ache}. Thank you for sharing…..and LOVE LOVE the Y necklace the emerald is stunning on you! xo Diane
Danielle
Thank you so much Diane!
Heather Angelo
I read the probiotics need to stay cold so is Amazin a good place to order from?
Danielle
Different people sell it on Amazon so just make sure you find one that ships it with a cold pack! 🙂
Kirsten Coate Bibeau
I have been making amazing cashew milk ice cream for almost a year. It seriously makes the BEST ice cream. Creamy. Delicious. No overpowering coconut milk flavor (although I still use some coconut milk ?) ❤️ Enjoying some right now. Ice cream was the one food my husband was most sad about ditching after his diagnosis of UC. It became my top priority to create an ice cream that would delight him ? Looking forward to comparing recipes!
Danielle
That’s so awesome! Yep, Ryan and I both love ice cream so it’s crucial to have a good recipe. 🙂